The Good, The Great, and The Ugly

Please note that the following is an egocentric rambling of bad lifeguards and represent only the opinions and nightmares of the Camping Lifeguard and not necessarily that of other lifeguards, blogspot, or Google ;)

I like to classify lifeguards into 3 different categories. I have had both the fortune and misfortune to work with all of them. There are lifeguards who became certified for the same reason I did, they like to work with kids. Many camp counselors fall into this category, including myself.

Along with that are the lifeguards who became a lifeguard so they can get a job. Most of these guards are actually quite good at their job and maybe are a little more focused at small loads of swimmers compared to those of us like me who will hang around the family and chat with them and teach the little ones how to swim. Paying attention in their certification class they know the horrors of what can happen as a lifeguard, and wanting their certification they try their hardest to pass.

There is also a subgroup of that, which are guards part of the time, and water athletes the rest.  For some reason they are highly attracted to chlorine and are always in the water or watching it.  Their time doing sports makes them focused, their time in the water makes them fast.  They will have you out of the water before you know your drowning.  These are especially the ones you want in a lake or ocean.

Then there are the lifeguards who cause nightmares and waking up in a cold sweat…the Baywatch guards. Disclaimer: I have never watched Baywatch nor do I want to, but based on what I have heard of that show I would probably curl up on the couch and cry at the horrors. These guards are mainly teens who want the money, but also want the cute high school girls or guys and what better place then where you can show off your sexy tan body and never have to wear a shirt. And with a tight swimsuit on the girls and naked arms on the men, it’s all about the curves!

I worked at a pool the summer after my freshman year of college, where most of the guards were they Baywatch type. I have many stories about that pool and the guards there, but one stood out the most, whose antics almost resulted in at least 3 concussions and a drowning, and that was during my shifts. It appears that a way to impress girls is to take a basketball and wing it across the pool and put it into a hoop. Well, he never got the hoop, but instead went past it and not one time did the ball land more than a foot from a child. Had ball found head, we would have to deal with an unconscious child and very angry parent.

The scariest incident by this lifeguard came while I was guarding the diving board… In the diving well there is a diving board and a set of drop-slides. Dumb Dumb decided that a fun way to flirt with the lifeguard on the opposite side of the deep end from me was to jump off the diving board and towards her. He however landed at the same time a little girl, maybe 8 years old, plopped out of the drop slide nearest to the board and hit the water. Under normal conditions this would have worked out fine, as the slide and board have about 6-8 feet between them. Dumb Dumb decided though that the closer he got to his target the better, which resulted in about a foot gap between him and the little girl. After scolding this on break lifeguard, his response was "Chill out dude, I know what I am doing." Make sure you mention that when you do knock out a kid.

I know this may sound a little nuts that this was just part of the issues of that pool, but if you don’t believe me, ask my parents. On the way back up to Ashland, my dad told me it was ok to flip the pool off as we drove by.

From the guy with his eye on the sky, Travis...the camping lifeguard

Becoming A Lifeguard

Back in my junior year of high school I decided to change from an ordinary person who could not swim into a red-suited superhero under the classification of lifeguard (still waiting for my cape). I started by volunteering for a summer camp called Day Camp Adventures. Every Monday, Wednesday and Friday our camp would travel to a different pool around central Iowa to spend the afternoon swimming. There was one pool that everyone loved to go to in southern Iowa, about 2 hours away known as Beach Ottumwa. The large complex had a 60ft speed slide and a wave pool. After everyone is ready to swim most of us would head to the speed slide for a ride. A fear of heights and falling off the slide to my death resulted in only one rid per visit, so I would then head to the wave pool. While a panic attack for lifeguards, this was the main stop for most of our kids including our younger ones. During one sequence of waves two of our 7 year olds could not take the waves and needed to be pulled out. The other lifeguards were focused on the deeper water and didn't notice the two girls, but being within arms reach of both I pulled them to the shallower end with less activity and crazy kids on inner tubes. This event was the turning point of becoming a lifeguard.

Being a nerd, lets just say I was NOT athletic. My parents made me do track in 8th grade but I did not enjoy it. It did though improve my mile time to under 12 minutes. At my school everyone had to run the mile at least once per year of gym class and I did not want to do that again. I had to find some way out of it, and my high school offered it…a free lifeguarding class. No mile, no basketball, and 125$ off normal lifeguarding class fee. Having already decided to become a lifeguard, the universe was calling for me to don the red swimsuit with white cross. The universe and I overlooked one very important fact…I do not know how to swim.

Try as they might every swim lesson my parents and grandparents enrolled me in did not fair well. I wasn't afraid of the water or anything, I loved it. However if I am put into a pool, I am going down to the bottom of the deep end to sit as long as I can. Sinking did not require swimming skills. Coming back up was fine as long as you stayed near the wall or doggy paddle, which I could. A prerequisite of the lifeguarding class is being able to swim 300 yards using the front craw and breaststroke, which yes people, they are two totally different things. Having a car at that point, I would go to the YMCA next to my high school every Monday and Wednesday morning for about six weeks to practice swimming. There was no swim instructor or anyone to teach me to swim, just lappets. Well once I got into the water I would sink down to the bottom and watch the swimmers go back and forth, then when I came up for air I would mimic what I just saw.

A few weeks later winter semester started and it was time for my class. Very first day was the prerequisites test. Front craw 100 yards, breaststroke 100 yards, then do either one of them again. I got in there and hopped in the water and did my first set of 100. I didn't notice anyone else in the water so I thought I was doing something before I was suppose to so I stopped and looked around. The other students were trying to figure out how to do the front craw. Score 1 point for me; I can swim better than the rest of my class! I stayed ahead for all of the class and was conferrable enough I did not freak when strapped into the board like one of the students did.

I have now been certified for 6 years and still going strong. Have guarded for 3 pools and a lakefront, I have seen rescues, crazy kids, crazy parents, good guards, bad guards, and poop. Lots of poop.

From the guy with his eye on the sky, Travis...the camping lifeguard

Then and Now

I mentioned a while ago Jeniqua was the one who brought me to nature. Had it not been for her, I would not be doing this right now...she got the ball rolling. Let me tell you who I was before her. I remember it like it was yesterday... *Fill screen with white wavy lines indicating flashback sequence*

I grew up mainly with three sets of toys, K’nex, Legos, and a farm set. Oh, and there was the train track but that was almost always with the farm set. Pretty much every weekend I would play McDonalds in the upstairs hallway with my younger sister. When not playing that I would build with K’nex and Legos. K’nex almost always became a steerable car or amusement park rides. Legos were guaranteed to become a weather station. I remember that usually the most pride out of the weather station was not that it was two stories, but that the motor that ran the satellite dish actually had a passive heat duct built into housing. All three toy sets would then merge on the top bunk of the futon I had in my room, while I slept on the couch due to a fear of heights and rolling off something so high.

This pretty much summed up every weekend in elementary, middle and high school, at least until we got the family computer at which computer games also got included. I still think the Christmas gift of Flight Simulator 2002 was a ploy by my parents to get over my fear of flying, which did work and is still an awesome game. My first laptop resulted in lots of cities being made in Sim City, lots of flights in FS2002, empires concored with Civilization 2, and trying to see if Intelligent Qube and Crash Bandicoot from the PlayStation would work on my laptop. My time on my laptop and the family computer is why I know so much about them now...I liked to experiment and break things, then hopefully fix them before the parents got home.

When it rainned outside I would go outside after it was done and use sticks to change the flow of water going down the driveway behind the house, or move puddles in the pasture using the rubber boots I had on and squishing the ground. Sometimes we would build bonfires or I would ride my bike into a cement wall (pre-teen and teen years...also how I learned how to ride and use the rear brake not the front). Sometimes we would head to the ravine behind our house, a forth mile away (I love Iowa, everything is so grid like), and go on a walk or sledding.

One of my favorite places of “where the dead cars are” ravine was the large hole in the ground where the water in the ravine would drain into the neighbors land. It was a six foot diameter L shaped metal tube that went down then under the fence. There was always the worry when sledding we would get swallowed up in it like my closet once did (thanks mom for getting us out) and be trapped forever. Yet, other than the spring pit out there, I didn’t really care about the natural parts of the ravine. Heck I cared so little I spell it revene, which spellcheck says its wrong so I go to reveane. Time to look up words similar to vally (which adds another step since its really valley) in order to get ravine, which odd since I say it revenue.

Anyways, dad would sometimes ask me if I wanted to go to “where the dead cars are” or somewhere else for a walk. I could tell he was disappointed but I didn’t really care about going on some boring walk exploring nature...Train Simulator is more interesting...each tree is six flat services rotated 45° from each other so no mater which angle you look at it looks full. Great way to be pseudo 3-D and use less processing power. No, figuring out how they programmed this game is way more intresting.

Then I met Jeniqua. We met part way through our fall freshman year. She was an outdoor nerd, I was a computer nerd. A perfect contradiction. We became friends and she got me to enjoy the outdoors. In the mornings we would go on a walk either in the ravine or ravine or ravine. When your college is surrounded on three sides by a ravine, its where you go to explore. I just now released that gives a little more meaning to the Jurassic Park gates the college installed. I remember the end of my freshman year, mom was driving me home and looking in the ditch at purple flowers would remind me of her. Nature had become not just intresting, but with meaning to other parts of my life.

In our junior year of college we went camping twice. The first time was just to Washburn and was a trial for an epic adventure to Canada! I believe the socially correct phase for describing the trip is “OMG so AWSOME!” On one night, we hiked to the top of a mountain to watch the sun set, went back down to have dinner and stare at the stars (must be what staring is all about, they both start with star) then slept until 4 am before hiking back up the mountain for pancakes and watch the sunrise.

Before this I didn’t go camping at all but these two adventures started it for me. In fact, both that summer, and the summer after I went back to Washburn to camp, and hopefully see loons. Oddly enough to get there its 16 miles. Sound familiar? Yes, I biked out there and back too. And, unlike what I am doing now, everything I had to camp with was attached onto my bike. Fairly minimalistic, just sleeping bag, pad, tent and JUST enough food to last, and off course my camera. If it had not been for those spring and summer trips, I would be currently living on campus, spending 300$ per month and having my pots and pans stolen like last year.

Thank you Jeniqua!

From the guy with his eye on the sky, Travis...The Camping Lifeguard

Oh the stuff you can buy

I went to Walmart today after using the internet in Ashland and picked up a few things. I got a birthday cake for myself, some dinner, some D links to help build my shelter, a broom to remove sand from my tent, and a toilet seat cover.

Nice little in and out trip...should have bought some more rope though.

Oh have you noticed the signature I have used the last few days? I am at my tent right now using my iPhone to make this post and when I do that it will say I am the mobile guy with his eye on the sky. Expect a few more spelling mistakes and a little less sense out of these messages.

Oh and for those who are curious, my eye is always on the sky because I love to watch the weather.

From the mobile guy with his eye on the sky: Tra...

What?
Oh the toilet seat cover? Thought I would have to dig holes? Nope, there is a portapotty here while the landowners friend finishes the new outhouse.
...
No, I'm not using the seat cover for that, I bought it because it was less than a rug, it's fluffier, and I can use it as a door mat and wipe the sand off my feet so I don't track it in then have to sweep the sand out later. Smart ehh?

Like I said, oh the stuff you can buy!

Now please don't interrupt my call sign again

From the mobile guy with his eye on the sky: Travis...the camping lifeguard

Jello!

Hello, I am Travis, the Camping Lifeguard. I know, an odd title, but thats going to be me this summer. I currently live in northeast Iowa, but this summer I am going to go back to where I use go to college in Ashland, WI. During the summers I have been staying up there to lifeguard and teach swim lessons. I no longer am going to college there (long story), but I will be going up this summer lifeguard and teach lessons. I am also going to do something different and new...I am going to go camping.

Yea, doesn’t sound too interesting, but wait! I am not camping for a night or two, I have done that the last two summers. No, I am going to camp ALL SUMMER! This sounds weird enough that I figured I would share adventure with you here. I maybe crazy, but that is how I am.

Not sure when I will be starting at the beach, but I will be heading up in June with my bike, camping equipment, and car, and staying through August. I will be living on private beach on Lake Superior in Odanah, Wi, half the time camping alone, the other half with a friend. I hope to bike to work every day, which is 16 miles to the beach on level terrain, and 2 miles uphill from the beach to the college pool, where I will teach swim lessons. I will be without power and probably running water. I don’t really know how to cook (I am afraid of cooking meat and not cooking it completely). I will have internet to make posts and check the weather via my cellphone, and thats it.

When I can I will share stories about camping, lifeguarding, swim lessons, the weather, and anything that just tickles me along the way. If you have questions about what I am doing (or computer question) just ask. Pretty much anything involving any of the things I am on the first post is fair game. Oh, by the way I am also going to be juggling online classes during this adventure.

Yea, this is going to be fun.

From the guy with his eye on the sky, Travis...the camping lifeguard

Good Morning

Good morning swimmers, I am Travis, your… … …what am I? I am a swim instructor, computer technician, lifeguard, lifeguard instructor, meteorologist, farmer, camper, and student. I’m a son, brother, democrat, Unitarian, and use to be a roller DJ. Hmm...that’s a little long. Well I am no longer a roller DJ, so I can remove that. It doesn’t matter that I am a son, brother, democrat, or Unitarian. We prefer you don’t bring your computer into the pool, so even though I will happily answer computer questions, it doesn't matter that I am a computer tech. Since we are in the pool, I don't plan to farm, and since you aren't becoming lifeguards, we can drop that.

So where are we? I am a swim instructor, lifeguard, meteorologist, camper and student. I use my meteorologist skills when camping or lifeguarding, not during lessons, so ignore that. We are obviously not camping, so drop that. Well students, I am Travis, your swim instructing, lifeguarding student.

Wait, I am the teacher and your the student. I am Travis, your student lifeguarding swim instructor. I don’t like that either. Lets drop student; I am your swim instructing lifeguard. That still sounds odd. Hmm. Maybe I should use what I came up with in the shower, I liked that.

From the guy with his eye on the sky, Travis...